Hilarious Things said on the Stand
These brief snippets are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts. These are items people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters. Someone sent me these items and they were too hilarious not to share. ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?' ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? WITNESS: My name is Susan! _______________________________ ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? WITNESS: No, I just lie there. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? WITNESS: July 18th. ATTORNEY: What year? WITNESS: Every year. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? WITNESS: Forty-five years. _________________________________ ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget.. ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? ____________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he? WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ. ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS: Are you shitting me? _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? WITNESS: Getting laid. ____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children , right? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death.. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? WITNESS: Take a guess. ___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight. _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral... _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around8:30 PM ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________ And last:
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No.. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
Heroine Age: why so many 20s?
A reader recently asked me why every heroine of late is in their twenties. A valid question when I looked at the top books in romance right now. Can women in their forties not fall in love? Or is that age too wise for the conventional mistakes that allow a love plot to twist and turn through dramatic hills and valleys? The question was posed to me in an almost demanding way – “Why have you, oh dark Sultan of Romance, insisted on painting your delicious heroine in the light of youth?” So I sat back and thought.
My upcoming novel, On Me, In Me, Dead Beneath Me, is a story of a young woman’s struggle to control her psychotic tendencies, and having to journey out of her comfort zone in an attempt to rescue a young girl. The heroine is twenty-one, the same age as the heroine in my debut novel, Blindfolded Innocence. Coincidence? Why had I chosen, without any second thought, such young leads?
While story-line circumstances mildly dictated the heroine’s age, the real reason behind my age choice centered on myself. While I passed twenty-one almost a decade ago, I can put myself in the mind of a young woman with ease. My husband would call it immaturity, but I’d like to think of my heroines as worldly, wise-beyond-their-years, confident women. I can empathize with a twenty-something; portray them in an accurate and appealing fashion. It would be difficult for me to write from the perspective of a thirty, forty, or fifty year old woman – to understand their motivations, thought processes, and justifications. I wouldn’t do them justice and would probably irritate readers in my awkward attempt. The golden rule – to write what you know – holds true in my case, and as I gain life experiences and grow older, I will no doubt write older female leads.
I don’t know how much my answer satisfied that one, indignant reader, but I am glad she posed the question. It caused me to look at my characters a little closer, and examine my motivations, a side effect that will no doubt, improve the final result. To all readers out there – challenge us, question us, critique and review your heart out. We welcome and appreciate the insight and the improvements they bring!
xoxo
Alessandra
Price your Ebook for Success!!!
Okay, so you've written your ebook. Gotten a cover, written a blurb, formatting it and are halfway through the 'post it online for sale' process. Then you get to the price box - that little blank line that can make or break your book sales.* *note* - this post is written for indie authors. I'm assuming Nora Roberts isn't scanning the internet wondering what price to put on her next masterpiece.
So, what to put as the price?
Things to consider: 1. The length of your book: Is this an 100-page novella? A 600-page novel? Most readers balk at paying anywhere over $2.99 for a novella, no matter who writes it. If you are a brand new author, $1.99 is a more realistic price, or even $.99. At 600 pages, you still can't really expect more than $4.99 or $5.99 unless you have 100 glowing reviews or some type of ranking in your genre. 2. Does anyone know who you are? Have you written a book before? Or rather, have you written a book before that people bought and read? Do you have a following of fans? If so, you may be able to bump the price a bit - go for the $3.99 to $5.99 price point. If you are a new kid on the block, IMO $2.99 needs to be your price point. Much higher and some readers get nervous. 3. Do you have any reviews? Think about pricing your book cheaply initially, let word spread and hope that readers post reviews. Once you have some credibility, then you can raise the price a little.
My suggestion: Try to make your first book a full-length book, anywhere from 250-500 pages. Price it at $2.99. Give it a few weeks. If sales are sluggish, drop the price to $.99 for a few days and get some interest going, then bring the price back up to $2.99.
One thing to consider: Amazon only pays out 35% if your book is priced below $2.99. At, or above $2.99, they pay 70%. So...
If you sell 500 books at $.99 - you will make $175. If you sell 83 books at $2.99 - you will make $138.13
So you really hurt yourself when you drop the price below $2.99. Occasionally it is necessary, and good for spreading the word. But it should be done thoughtfully. There is no good reason, in my opinion, to price a book at $1.99 - it costs the reader an extra dollar when you only make 35 cents more. Your pricing structure should only change if you are trying to aggressively drive sales.
That's my two cents, hope it was somewhat rational. :)
Love to you all,
Alessandra
Lessons from a Master: Elmore Leonard's 10 Rules of Writing
Elmore Leonard knows his shit. He's written westerns and crime fiction, writing such bestsellers as Glitz, Get Shorty, Maximum Bob, and Rum Punch. Never heard of those? Yeah, me either - but you may have heard of the movie Jackie Brown, 3:10 to Yuma, and the FX series, Justified - Twenty-six of Leonard's novels and short stories have been adapted for the screen, those being a few of them. Leonard is taken seriously by the literary crowd, and at some point wrote an essay "Elmore Leonard's Ten Rules of Writing" - which has become a rule book for many new writers. I agree with all of these rules, but often break them - I'd say I'm a wild child, but truly, I just don't really know better. But for newbies, like myself - read these rules, they are a great starting point for your writing.
1. Never open a book with weather. Good. Haven't broken this rule. Yet.
2. Avoid prologues. Errr.... Oops. Ignore Blindfolded Innocence's new edition.
3. Never use a verb other than "said" to carry dialogue. Yeah, I break that rule all the time. "Promise to do better," I mutter.
4. Never use an adverb to modify the verb "said”…he admonished gravely. Stephen King taught me that early on, and I, for the most part, obey this rule.
5. Keep your exclamation points under control. You are allowed no more than two or three per 100,000 words of prose. Shit! I can't help it, my characters are very vocal individuals.
6. Never use the words "suddenly" or "all hell broke loose." So far so good...
7. Use regional dialect, patois, sparingly. I'm Southern, so will no doubt fail in this goal.
8. Avoid detailed descriptions of characters. I disagree with this rule when it comes to a romance Hero. With other genres, I believe it is great advice.
9. Don't go into great detail describing places and things. Agree. No one really cares what the inside of the coffee shop looks like.
10. Try to leave out the part that readers tend to skip. Duh.
That's the lot of them! Great advice, and rules I should do a better job of following. Have any other rules you follow in your writing? Please pass them on!
Fun Facts About Valentine's Day!
The origin of Valentine's Day: While opinions may differ, the most widely held belief dates back to Roman times, in 270 A.D. Emperor Claudius II outlawed marriage, believing that single men would make better soldiers. Bishop Valentine ignored this decree and performed secret wedding ceremonies to love-struck couples. When the emperor discovered this betrayal, he jailed Valentine, then executed him on February 14.
A second theory, which also dates back to Roman times, is that the day evolved from the Feast of Lupercalia, a Roman holiday held on Feb. 14 in honor of Juno, the queen of the Roman gods and goddesses. Juno was also the goddess of women and marriage.
As time passed, different generations celebrated the holiday in different ways. *Medieval Times: Women ate different, strange foods on VDay, believing that it would cause them to dream of their future spouse. *Middle Ages: eligible suitors drew names from a hat to decide their Valentine. They would then pin the name to their sleeves for one week, in plain view for all to see. This is where the term "to wear your heart on your sleeve" originated. *By the 15th century, lovers expressed their love for each other by presenting flowers, offering candies, and sending hand-written love notes *19th century brought the mass-market card, also bringing the stigma of a 'Hallmark holiday'.
ROMANTIC GIFTS THAT WILL NEVER BE TOPPED: *Taj Mahal in India: It was built by Mughal Emperor Shahjahan as a memorial to his wife. *Orlov Diamond: 158 carats, was given by Count Orlvo to Queen Katherine the Great. Makes Beyonce's engagement ring seem paltry. *Taylor-Burton Diamond: 68 carats, given to Elizabeth Taylor by Richard Burton. It sold in 2011 for almost $11M.
Valentine's Day Statistics: -Over $1 billion worth of chocolate is purchased for Valentine's Day in the U.S. -Most popular VDay gifts: -Cards 52% -Candy 47% -Flowers 34% -Dining 34% -Jewelry 17% -Clothing 14% -Gift Cards 12% -Other 11% -Percent of women who send themselves flowers on Valentine’s Day: 14% -Average number of children conceived on Valentine’s day: 11,000 -Percent of women who would end their relationship if they didn’t get something for Valentines day: 53 % -Average Annual Valentine's Day Spending: $13.19 Billion -Approx 3% of pet owners will give their pets a VDAY gift -Average number of wedding proposals on VDay each year: 220,000
More Fun Valentine's Day Facts: *The red rose was the favorite flower of Venus, the Roman goddess of love. The color red now stands for strong romantic feelings. *"The World's Greatest Lover" AKA Casanova ate chocolate to increase his virility. *In Medieval Times, people who couldn't write signed in front of a witness with an X. They then kissed the X to show their sincerity. Now an X stands for a kiss! *Richard Cadbury produced the 1st box of chocolates for VDay in the late 1800s. Today, more than 35M heart-shaped boxes of chocolate will be sold on Feb 14th. *The Italian town of Verona, where Shakespeare's lovers lived, receives about 1,000 letters addressed to Juliet every Valentine's Day *64 percent of American men don't plan in advance for a romantic Valentine's Day
How to Self-Publish on Amazon
Self-publishing has reached the point where it is RIDICULOUSLY easy, so much so, that I am rubbing elbows with twelve-year-olds in the Kindle forums. So, the good news is – once you’ve written your book – publishing is easy! I wrote this post with the understanding that your book is READY for market – it has been written, rewritten, rewritten again, edited, professionally edited, formatted, and a pimp ass cover has been created.
So, GREAT – you are ready for the next step, which is getting out into the real world.
There are five big markets to post your ebook: Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Smashwords, iBooks, and Kobo. This post is going to focus on Amazon. Its Kindle Direct Publishing platform is ridiculously easy, and will give your future bestseller great exposure.
The Kindle Direct Publishing platform, KDP for short, accepts books in the following formats:
Word (DOC or DOCX) HTML (ZIP, HTM, or HTML) Mobipocket (MOBI) ePub (EPUB) Plain Text (TXT) Rich Text Format (RTF) Adobe PDF (PDF)
If you aren't able to format your own ebook, or if you don't have the funds to hire a formatter, then use your Word file, which is convenient enough; since that’s probably the format you already have it in. (Note: if you do want to hire a formatter, check out my suggestion here).
HOW TO PUBLISH YOUR BOOK:
1. Create an account at kdp.amazon.com. If you already have an Amazon account, I would suggest creating a new one, one you will use specifically for self-publishing. But, you can use your current one if you want. If you are writing under a pseudonym (which I strongly suggest you DO), ignore that for now - use all of your real information when creating this account.
2. Log in. I don’t think any more explanation is needed for that step.
3. Click the ‘Add a New Title' button.
4. Your first decision will be whether to participate in KDP Select. That is a whole other blog topic, which I will go into on a later date. For now, I would suggest you not, it's up to you.
#1 – This section is pretty self-explanatory. The book’s description box is where you put the blurb. The blurb is very important, so please dedicate time to this group of words. You wouldn’t believe how many blurbs have grammatical errors; make sure this section is perfect.
#2 – choose ‘This not a public domain work….”
#3 – pick the two categories that best describe your book. These can be changed later, so don’t stress over this area too much.
#4 – Before you upload your cover, make sure it fits the proper size requirements.This link will tell you Amazon’s size/format/content requirements for your book cover.
#5 – Enable digital rights management – this will attempt to prevent your book from being listed for free on various file-sharing websites (think Napster for ebooks). Chances are, it will still find its way to those sites, but this is one way to try and prevent that.
Upload your book. This is a quick process. After your upload, it will indicate if Kindle’s spell check found any possible errors. This is very helpful – somehow some always slip through!
#6 – Preview your book. I use the online previewer, it is amazing, allowing you to view your book on an iphone, ipad, kindle, kindle fire, etc – take the time to view your book on all of the devices, and skim through the book to make sure that chapter headings, table of contents, etc, look correct on all of the different e-readers.
#7 – choose Worldwide
#8 – Royalties
This is up to you. My opinion can be found on the blog entry ‘Pricing your Ebook’. Once you choose your royalty percentage, then enter the price for each country (you can choose for Amazon to automatically calculate this based off the US price). Always choose the 70% royalty option, unless your price is less than $2.99 (if it is, you will be forced to choose 35%).
#9 – Kindle Book Lending
If you enable lending, it will mean that readers can ‘lend’ your book to their friends for 7 days. I enable lending, because I think it helps to spread the word about my book – but this is completely up to you. Its not going to make or break you either way. (note: Amazon has recently changed this to force you to lend your book if you are at the 70% royalty rate)
Then, click the checkbox agreeing to the Terms & Conditions, and click ‘Save & Publish’!
Your book will take anywhere from 2 to 48 hours to be active on Amazon’s site – you will get an email when it is live. Congratulations!! You are now a ‘published author’!
Dr Berman suggests ‘Blindfolded Innocence’ to readers who loved 50SOG
After finishing the 50 Shades of Grey trilogy, millions of readers are still longing for another romp in Christian Grey’s play room. Left to wander alone in the erotica book wilderness, many have been looking for the next “50-ish” type book that would immediately capture their imagination and leave them panting with desire. Fortunately, erotica fans can bank on the recommendations of Dr. Laura Berman, a leading expert in relationships and sexual health who says the new novel Blindfolded Innocence should be one of the next e-books to download on your list! Written by exciting new author Alessandra Torre, Blindfolded Innocence (Harlequin HQN, 2012) delves into the sexual exploration of pre-law student Julia Campbell. Vulnerable from a failed relationship, she is drawn to an older, irresistibly charming attorney with deviant sexual tastes. Dr. Berman describes the “must read” book this way:
“Although Julia tries to resist the handsome older man’s advances, the two soon find themselves entwined in a world of erotic sex that pushes the boundaries of what neither of them ever imagined.”
Dr. Berman is known worldwide for her expertise on sexual health, love, relationships and for hosting shows on the Oprah Winfrey Network and Oprah Radio. Blindfolded Innocence was included in a recent article she wrote for Everyday Health titled “35 to Read After 50 Shades of Grey.” More information about Dr. Berman can be found at www.drberman.com
Blindfolded Innocence has established Alessandra Torre as one of the hottest new authors in the romance and erotica genres. She is currently at work on the sequel to Blindfolded as well as a thriller that will be released within the next few months. To learn more about Alessandra Torre and her books, follow her on Twitter @ReadAlessandra, fan her on GoodReads at www.goodreads.com/AlessandraTorre and on Pinterest at atorreauthor.
Q&A with Alessandra
Q: Tell us about yourself and what you were doing before you published your first book?A: Hmmm... let's see. I'm 28, married for seven years, and live in a beach town in Florida. Before I published Blindfolded Innocence, I worked as an administrative assistant. I spend a lot of time with my husband and stepson and we all enjoy watching SEC football. I am addicted to organizing and also enjoy horse-back riding, reading and watching movies. I was lucky enough to find and marry my best friend, so we are constantly together.
Q: What inspired you to write Blindfolded Innocence? Was it based on your personal experience? A: Stephen King's book "On Writing" was the catalyst to get me to actually put pen to paper. When I sat down to write, the characters and plot of Blindfolded just poured out. I got into a zone where I ate, drank, and lived the characters in the book. The story is certainly based on some personal experiences in my life, and Brad -- the main character -- definitely has some similarities to my husband. Other than that, it's mainly fiction!
Q: Are there any notable differences in Blindfolded that we may not find in most romance or erotica books? A: I think my books are more for mainstream audience. With most erotica titles, people are likely to find they are short on plot and amped up on sex. I pay a lot of attention to character development and plot, which creates more of a satisfying pay-off for readers.
Q: You said that the character of Brad is loosely based on some similarities to your husband. Are any of the characters like you? A: The main character, Julia, is very similar to where I was in life at age twenty-one. She is sarcastic and has no problems putting the Hero in his place! At the beginning of the book, Julia starts out very narrow minded and set in her ideas about sex. It was a lot of fun to develop her sexual exploration in the book and see how she changes during the course of some life-altering events.
Q: Blindfolded takes the reader into a secret world that involves "swinging." What kind of research, if any, did you do on swinging before writing the book? And was there anything you learned about swinging that surprised you? A: I actually did a lot of research into swinging. I started out by joining a couple of the major swinging or lifestyle websites. I opened a profile as a married couple and over a few months interacted with couples and singles on the site via emails and a few webcams chats. I also joined some of the clubs such as Lifestyles and NASCA.
I dove into this genre with a lot of preset opinions, and had a lot of surprises along the way. One surprise was how mainstream swinging really is. Adultfriendfinder, one of the largest swinging social networks, has over thirty million members worldwide from almost every country. Entire industries centered on the swinging lifestyle, such as travel agencies, resorts that focus on the lifestyle, and large conventions that are held every year. The people that participate in all these events are from all walks and social economic circles. They range from young newlyweds to 70-year-old couples. The most surprising fact was that most of the professional people involved have been married for quite some time, and all seem to be very happily married, and in most cases have stronger relationships than the general public. The swinger lifestyle is one that 'has no bounds' as far as honesty in regards to sexual preferences, and a lot of the couples I met seemed stronger in their unions because of it. I also found that the divorce rate among these couples is much lower than the national average. When I asked couples about this, they contributed it to their openness, not just in their lifestyle but to each other. I also learned a lot of things 'not to do' in this lifestyle, which I added to the book, in the form of wisdom from Brad. :)
Q: How long did it take you to write the book from start to finish? A: I wrote the book in six weeks and self-published it three weeks later.
Q: As a first-time author, was there anything that held you back from publishing your book? What made you finally decide to go ahead and publish it? A: I had very low expectations for Blindfolded. I loved the story and was attached to the characters, but I had no idea if anyone else would appreciate the book. Given the erotic nature of the story, I didn't send it out to any family or friends to get feedback, so I just put it out there in hopes of getting some sort of response from others. I planned on Blindfolded being the first "practice step" of my future as an author and had absolutely no idea it would blow up the way it did!
Q: Speaking of blowing up, after Blindfolded spent several weeks on Amazon's top 20, is it true the book was banned on Amazon for awhile? A: (Laughs) Yes, that's true! They yanked it and banned it on the lists for a short while, but by that time there was already such a surge of interest that it didn't hurt sales of the book at all! If anything, I'd say this only helped create more curiosity about the book.
Q: Apparently so, since Blindfolded also reached the top 25 on Kindle. How do you feel about having your book selling among top authors such as E.L. James, J.K. Rowlings and other popular authors? A: It's surreal. I went through a month-long period where I went to bed every night pinching myself! After my first month of sales, I had sold 400 books. I remember purchasing champagne and toasting the success with my husband. Six weeks later, I was selling more than two thousand books a day! My pie-in-the sky dream was to one day be able to make enough money that I could write full-time. To have reached this goal already is insane! It's something I am grateful for every day and will never take for granted.
Q: Did you know from the start that Blindfolded would be a trilogy, or did you decide to continue the story after the first book's success? A: I never intended on Blindfolded to become a trilogy. I sat down to write one story - the story of a girl meeting a guy would would change her sexual outlook and take her into a world she never expected to be in. I finished the book, typed up a short 'About the Author' paragraph, where I mentioned that I was working on a sequel. It wasn't a true statement, at that point, I just wasn't really ready to leave Brad and Julia behind, and considered continuing their story. Once reader reviews started coming in, I didn't really have an option - readers were dying to know what was next, and their enthusiasm caused me to open up my laptop and start working on a sequel. My goal with the sequel is to follow the same course as BI - to 'end' the book, so that readers aren't obligated to purchase the third book, that they can have some semblance of closure when they reach the last page.
Q: When did you learn that Harlequin and several other publishers were interested in publishing your books? A: When BI reached the top 25 on Kindle, emails from publishers starting coming in. Before then, I had received a handful of publisher inquiries, but they were from small, independent houses. Once I hit the upper rankings, that was when I started getting Big Six interest. That was when I got my agent, Maura. Maura took the book and shopped it to the different publishers, and that is how Harlequin got involved. The entire process happened very quickly. Within two weeks of hitting the Top 25, we were negotiating a deal and choosing a publisher. I am so happy with where BI landed, Harlequin has given it a great home, and I am very excited to rerelease the new version, with their edits and improvements
Q: When can readers expect the sequel to Blindfolded and can you give us a hint about what will be in store for Julia and Brad in the next book? A: I don't have an exact date for the sequel's release, but it will be a month or so after Blindfolded's print release, which is in June. The next book takes Julia to the next level in swinging, and further erodes her boundaries and sexual expectations. There is a masked party, as well as the death of a major character. This death causes so many ripple effects, and ultimately will either ruin or strengthen their relationship.
Q: Are you working on any other projects or books right now? A: I have a finished sexual thriller that is in the final stage of editing, I hope to release it in the next two months. And I have started two other books, they are continually being worked on. Plus, I am working on the last and final Blindfolded book - which is a bittersweet project, because I hate to leave Brad and Julia's world.
Q: Where can readers find your books besides Kindle? A: Blindfolded is available on iBookstore and Nook. In June 2013, it will be available in print through Harlequin Publishing and in 30 different countries.
Q: How can fans contact you and learn more about your upcoming books? A: I love to chat a little while every day with fans and friends on Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest. Readers can follow me on Twitter @ReadAlessandra and on Facebook at PROVIDE LINK HERE. My Pinterest account is also Alessandra Torre.
Q: Where do you see yourself in 10 years? A: I hope to publish 3-4 books a year and have a regular reader base. My ten-year goal is to have a movie made from one of my books!
Setting Realistic Sales Expectations for your Ebook
EBook sales vary from genre to genre – but if you are writing erotica, and you are a new author, I would suggest you set your expectations at around 2-3 books a day. According to a report in the Guardian, half of self-published authors make less than $500 a year off of book sales. The average self-published author makes around $10,000 a year. That means you have a group of authors making a good living, and a ton of authors making pocket change. It might take eight books before you find your best seller – that is normal, do not beat yourself up if you are not the next E.L. James. Be incredibly proud of your accomplishment and rejoice over every single sale. Someone out there finds your book interesting enough to spend money to purchase it, and time to read it. Visit the KDP author forums – you will find that those authors rejoice over 2 sales a day – erotica blesses its authors more than other genres, you can expect a slightly higher average. But, set your expectations low and hopefully you will be pleasantly surprised. J
Good luck, and keep writing!!!!